10th May
Seema….Please open the door!!, my mom shouted from the kitchen. I went to the door and guess who it was? Two of my mom’s friends: Sheela aunty and Meena aunty. I smiled and asked them 2 come in and informed my mom about their arrival. My mom was friends to them since college days. They were a group of five girls. I had always respected their friendship but there was only 1 small problem with them, once they started talking they wouldn’t stop for long. My mom would forget everything around her when she was with her friends. I brought water for them as per my mom’s instructions. They had come home today with a very different plan. These aunties had planned a trip to Kerala and they had come to ask my mom to join them. Now this was a difficult task. My mom never left her family alone. Come on Smita “Even we females need some time off from our lives”, one of her friends told my mom. I think they were pretty bored with their lives but my mom has never been bored of her family and doing things for her family. She refused to go anywhere as was expected out of her. They kept on arguing over this trip. Now it was high time they came to a conclusion but I know that wherever my mom is involved it takes time to conclude over discussions because it is very difficult to convince her. I was truly bored now. My dad who was sleeping in his room also got up and walked into the main room to know what the commotion all about was.
My dad ‘Mr. Narayan Iyer’ is a very calm person. He says the only reason he is living is to keep me and mom happy. I have still not understood how can the reason for your being alive is someone else.
When he got to know about why Sheela aunty was here he told my mom “I think you should go to Kerala. Even you should take some time off Smita. You don’t worry about me and Seema. We will take care of ourselves”. Hearing this, my mom smiled and readily agreed for the trip. I think my dad is the only person on planet earth with whom my mom doesn’t argue.
The trip was decided. Air tickets for the 22nd May arrived. My mom kept pestering me about how I should take care of the house when she is not here. “Mummy I am not a kid. I can do without you. Please it’s just a small trip”, I said. To this my mom just smiled and said ”You can do without me but I think it’s going to be difficult for me without you and dad. I will miss both of you.” “Even I will miss you Smita”, my dad replied from the main room. I never understood why my parents had to express feelings in words. Even I was going to miss my mom but I never said that. I am not a very expressive kind of person.
May 22nd at the Airport.
We were here to see my mom off to Kerala. She came to me hugged me and said “I love you dear. Take care.” I smiled back n said “Don’t worry”. She hugged my dad and left. While returning home my dad didn’t speak a word. I think he was already missing his wife.
May 22nd – June 2nd
It was pretty difficult without my mom. House was in a mess. But anyway I and dad tried our best to do how much we could. This was the first time I got a chance to spend some quality time with my dad. Usually I don’t talk much to my dad. My mom has always been there with us to make things simpler. Even if I needed anything I always told my dad through my mom. But now it was different. I had to talk to my dad directly. He was not a difficult person to be with. It was great being with him. He always made me feel very comfortable. He kept telling me how much he loved my mom and me.
Finally tomorrow my mom was returning. Dad and I were both very excited. But I think my dad was a little more excited than I was. He told me lets buy a gift for her. I was shocked and I asked him why a gift. It’s a way to tell her how much we missed her. I found it very funny but I still agreed. We brought a beautiful pair of diamond earrings for her.
June 3rd
We reached the airport and enquired about the flight. The flight was going to arrive at time i.e. 11.00 a.m. we reached there at 10.00 a.m. itself. I helped myself a Coke from the canteen and we were waiting. At around 10.30 there was an announcement “Mr. Narayan Iyer, if u are at the airport please report to the office.” Did they really mention Narayan Iyer??? If yes why?? There was no time to sit and analyze things. We rushed to the enquiry counter and we were directed towards the office. When we reached there, an officer asked us to wait. It was 10.55 now. “Mom will come any moment. Why are we here? Let’s go”, I said. My dad did not reply to this. We saw some stretcher coming in. When the stretcher came near we saw my mom lying on it and my mom’s friends coming in the room crying. I turned towards one of the aunties and screamed “What happened??” I started crying. Aunty ignored me and turned towards my dad.
“Narayan, she has suffered from a heart attack.” My dad did not reply. Sheela aunty screamed, ”Narayan, your wife is no more.” I was wishing no1 said that but that was the truth!!
My mom “Smita Iyer” died of a heart attack. She DIED. The officers helped my dad take her home. All my relatives were called. They were going to take my mom to the crematorium. I was screaming and shouting and crying. On the other hand my dad was very calm. He had not spoken anything since we heard the announcement at the airport. The last rituals were performed. I was surrounded by a hundred relatives. All of them consoling me. Why were they doing that? They didn’t know what I was going through. They had not lost their mom, I had!
My dad returned. At night when I and dad were sitting in his room, I went to him. Finally I got some time to sit beside him. I kept crying but he did not respond. “Dad why the hell are you not reacting? My mom has died. Your wife is no more, dad. Dint you have any feelings for her. Why are u not crying? Dint u ever feel for her?? Speak up!!
Finally he spoke: “Seema, no one will understand what I am going through.”
He kept his hand on my head and said “And beta, crying is not going to get her back. ”But atleast you can try to express what are you feeling at this point of time.”, I argued.
To this he said “Expressing is important when the person is alive. When that person is gone, expressing does not make any sense.”
He hugged me and said “Seema I love you child. Don’t worry; I will always be there with you.”
“I love you too, dad, I love you too”, I said.
This conversation with my dad changed my life.
Just one regret when my mom told me she loves me and will miss me before leaving for Kerala, why didn’t I tell her
”Mummy, I love you too..!!”
