Priorities

"Seema, please set your priorities straight. You are married and expected to do things your family agrees on”, screamed Mr. Seth, Seema’s father.

Seema was married at the age of 19. After her graduation, her parents informed her about the marriage plans. This is how the family had been. None of the daughters were allowed to pursue higher studies.

Seema was married to Ajinkya, a S/W engineer. He was an educated guy but with old school of thoughts. He had been very clear with Seema’s family that he wanted his wife to be a home maker and to prioritize family.
They got married in 2005 and life went on as expected

2007:
Ajinkya was hosting a party at his home on the occasion of his promotion. The atmosphere in the house was very positive and happy. Seema had put in all her efforts to host the guests well. She was pleasantly surprised to see her school time friend Naina, in the group of guests who had come. They recognized each other spontaneously and were very happy to meet after so many years. Naina worked in the same company with Ajinkya. Naina had completed her MBA and was currently working as Business Analyst.

After the party, Seema started thinking about the crucial years of her life that she had lost. But at the same time, she also realized it was not too late. She was confident that Ajinkya would agree to either her studying further or at least support her in taking up a job somewhere.

But Ajinkya did not agree on to both the things. In fact he told Seema, he wanted to start a family soon. For Seema, it was very early to be a mother as she was only 21. She was of the opinion; she can easily invest some more years of her life for her own self and then start a family.
The discussions went on for many days but Ajinkya refused to agree. Then was the time, Seema decided to speak to her parents but there were no signs of support from there too.

She was in a crisis now. She did not know what to do! Her in-laws, her husband and her parents, none of them agreed. As most of the other vulnerable women, she gave up.
Things went back to as they were and within a year she gave birth to a cute little baby girl.

“I want my daughter to be a doctor", said Ajinkya once. “I wish my parents had such ambitions for me and I hope my daughter does not marry another Ajinkya”, replied Seema.

Ajinkya was angry hearing this and he left the room immediately. He somewhere realized he was wrong but he did not want to agree.

2012:
Ajinkya met with an accident and is paralyzed for life. The entire savings are spent on his hospitalization. And now Seema has to take care of his medicines, their daughter and the household expenses.

The search for the Job is still on for Seema. Guess it will take some time for her to settle things in her life. Her confidence level has gone down, and with so many responsibilities on her, she is just getting depressed.


When we talk about priorities, we should talk about our own priorities and not others’. Each one has a right to decide on their own priorities.

There will be a lot of women like Seema who give up on their education and careers for people around them. Women need to start standing up for themselves.

If we are confident about ourselves, there is no one who can stop us!

Nisha - Woman of Honour

When I got my appointment letter, I was glad to read I was posted in Nariman Point, Mumbai branch. Though there have been very good commercial centers built in Mumbai; somehow I always wanted my office to be in Nariman Point - Proper Bombay, what we call it. There is a different aura of that place. It is a different feel altogether when you travel by Local trains, stand in a queue to get a cab, share your cab with new people each day.

23^rd November 2010 was the day I remember pretty well. We had an event coming up the coming Sunday and hence there was a lot of work on our heads. We were three of us who waited till 9:30 pm including my Program Officer – Amaan Khan, and the Marketing Lead – Seema Sharma.  After finishing our dinner, we thought of walking by the sea and then taking a cab home.

It was a beautiful sight. We stood facing the sea and there was not a single word, we spoke. We were enjoying the sound of waves and the feel of cold wind. That day Mumbai, my very own home, seemed to look more beautiful to me.  The bright stars reminded me of the quote “Bombay - the city of dreams”. It indeed is, I thought.

Suddenly there was this chai wala (Tea vendor) who came to us and asked us if we would want to drink garam garam chai (Hot hot tea). All the three of us readily agreed. It is heaven to drink hot cutting chai late night on a sea face.

The chai wala sat besides us, he looked at Amaan and asked “Aur kuch chahiye sahaab” (Do you need anything else). Amaan just nodded his head clearly indicating a NO. Suddenly Amaan’s facial expression changed and he urgently paid the guy. His gestures proved he wanted to leave. I didn’t understand what was going on. What else did the chai wala have to sell? Amaan wanted to leave but Seema and me requested him to stay back for 10 minutes and promised we would leave then.

Just as the chai wala guy left, we saw this young, very beautiful girl coming towards us. She kept walking to and fro. It was as if she was waiting for us. Seema could not handle her stares and asked her if she needed anything. The girl was shocked by the question.

“Y’all called for me”, she said.

Amaan stood up and with sufficient respect “Ma’am, we don’t need anything. I guess someone has misguided you”

She looked disappointed and left from there!

Amaan called for a cab and we all got into the cab. We realized what just happened and we very upset about it. No one spoke about it. I suddenly started hating Mumbai. The city, I was admiring just an hour back looked like a devil to me. But least did I realize, it is not about the city, it is about PROSTITUTION which exists everywhere.

2 months later:

I was with my friends at Worli Sea Face (another beautiful sea face in Mumbai).

I saw the same young girl with a little child besides her having ice cream. I could not resist myself; I went and greeted her without really knowing whether she would recognize me. She quickly stood, gave me a broad smile and greeted me back.

“Meet my son”, she readily said. I cannot take him to Nariman Point as that is my work place. I gave a wrong reaction when she said “Work place” which I should not have.

She said “Yes, it is my work place and prostitution is my profession. I need money to give my son the right education and there was a time in my life when I had no option but this. I don’t regret anything. Life did not give me too many options and I did not have the time to find out any.”

But yes, I keep telling all my customers that I am looking for a good job but they are hardly interested in what I want. The only thing I pray to god is to give me some good customers because they are the only point of contact for me to the outer world.  Before my son understands my profession, I want to change it, she said. She gave me her cell number and told me she could speak fluent English, had very good bargaining skills (which I would term as negotiating power) and could sell herself very well.

I smiled and told her “Though, I am not your customer, I can find a job for you.”

Today, Nisha takes her son at any sea face in Mumbai with her head up!!!!

When I see her today, I have RESPECT for her not only because the way she has led her life without any regrets but also because she still does not forget what she has been through. With the money she earns, she makes sure she shares that with the woman who need support and an opportunity in their lives. 

Nisha for me is a Woman of Honor.

  

Some Findings:

    1)  According to the law for prostitution in INDIA, prostitutes can practice their trade privately but cannot legally solicit customers in public. Organized prostitution (brothels, prostitution rings, pimping etc) is illegal. As long as it is done individually and voluntarily, a woman (male prostitution is not recognized in the Indian constitution) can use her body's attributes in exchange for material benefit. In particular, the law forbids a sex worker to carry on her profession within 200 yards of a public place.  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immoral_Traffic_in_Persons_Act#Legal_status)

    2) According to UNICEF, India contained half of the one million children worldwide who enter the sex trade each year. 

      (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution_law)

    Some more links :

         http://prostitution.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=000772

         http://www.ncpcr.gov.in/Acts/Immoral_Traffic_Prevention_Act_(ITPA)_1956.pdf

Right Decision..??

I was eagerly waiting for Sameer to come today. He was going to collect my pregnancy reports on his way back home from office. I was hoping everything turns out to be fine. It had been 6 years and finally I had conceived. My parents, my in laws – every member of our family was keen and was taking care of me day in and day out.

Finally after a long wait, Sameer arrived. He came near me, held my hand and said “Seema, the reports are here.” I did not say a word, I was waiting for him to give me a nice hug and tell me everything was normal but on the contrary when he held my hand, I knew there was something wrong. I kept looking at him with questions in my eyes. He continued, “The doctor says, the reports are not normal, the baby could be abnormal – either handicap or mentally challenged as his body parts are not showing the correct form of growth.”

I was numb. What should I say? How should I react to this?

I wanted this baby, I wanted to be a mother, I wanted my own family but nothing was falling into place. I just held Sameer and closed my eyes. There was complete silence; we did not talk at all.

The next day, Sameer stayed home with me. He asked me, what I was thinking.

With tears in my eyes, I told him, I did not want to kill my baby. Sameer knew what I was going through because he felt the same. He wanted the baby as much as I did.

We visited the doctor, the same day. She was a practical woman. So many years in the same field had made her that way. She was direct and blunt. “Mrs Kapoor, if you give birth to this child, you will have to give your life to it. According to the reports, the child growth is not normal and there is no cure to this. We have tried everything but to no avail. We have also taken multiple opinions on this case but the suggestion from all experienced doctors is, you should go for an abortion.

“Dr, I am ready to take care of my child for life”, I said with confidence.

“Of course you do, but what about the child, how is it going to cope with the world and what will happen, when you are not around. The child would be abnormal and the abnormality could be to any extent. It is your decision at the end. Unfortunately, you don’t have much time to decide as abortion at a later stage could be a danger to your life too.”

Sameer and I returned home. A decision was to be taken and it had to be taken fast. We had to be strong and not emotional. I wanted to live. I didn’t want to delay this decision. Either I stay positive, give birth to my baby or just kill it now.

Sameer wanted me to decide. He explained all the pros and cons of both the sides. He said he would support me for anything I decide.

I decided to hold on to my baby. I wanted to give birth to my baby.

18 years later:

The baby is in her teens now. She is smart, fit and intelligent. The medical science was proved to be wrong in this case; Sameer and Seema were extremely lucky.

But not everyone is as lucky as them.

It is a debatable issue. Seema took an emotional decision but that decision could have affected a lot of people in a wrong way including the baby. But she was strong headed and extremely positive. Life and Luck was in her favor.

But would luck favor everyone? Is it right to risk someone else’s life? The answer is yet to be found.

P.S.: This is a true story. The same incident as Seema’s in this story occurred in our lives when my mom was pregnant with my little sister. I thank my mom for taking that decision as our home would have been lifeless without my younger sister. But at the same time I can’t imagine what would have been the case if the medical reports were proved to be true 18 years ago.

Never too Late!

We are basically from Kolhapur, my new neighbor said over an evening coffee. I had just shifted to Mumbai for a new project for about a year. I had this beautiful old lady as my neighbor who was old only by her age. We sat together very often and spoke over many things. She was nostalgic today and she started sharing her life story with me.



In Her Words : We shifted to Mumbai because my husband got a job in Bank of India, Mumbai. I used to always get scared of the feeling of being alone in a huge city like Mumbai and that too with a man I knew barely since a year. Kolhapur, then was a small village and everyone knew everyone there. But Mumbai, a place where I did not know anyone brought a lot of fears in my mind. My husband turned out to be a real gentleman. He took care of me. Though I was an illiterate housewife who knew nothing but to cook and take care of my family, he always made me feel he was completely dependent on me. He loved me unconditionally and when in a couple of years Ramesh happened, he started loving me more. We were so glad to become parents. We relished every moment of parenthood, gave him all the love we had in our hearts. We never thought of any more children because we wanted to give Ramesh the best of life. He grew up to be a very intelligent child. Always had some new plans in his minds. Ramesh’s dad left us when Ramesh was pursuing his MBA. We were very shocked when he died of a stroke just in a fraction of second. Life seemed to have turned upside down after the death of my life partner. Ofcourse I had my son, but it is very true that no one can replace the way your husband loves you and stands by you during the worst of your times.


Ramesh started reaching great heights in his life. He got a job with a very high salary and was on the top of his world. I was more than happy to see my Ramesh happy and growing. Like every hindi movie, somehow after a couple of years, Ramesh did not consider me a part of his dreams. He had his own life, his own dreams. I never understood him still longing for more money and wanting to get a better job. I once told him: Ramesh you already earn so much, why do you want to still change your job? Don’t be greedy beta” The word greedy worked him up. He got furious and said “Aai, you will not understand. Please stay out of my professional life” I calmly replied “Can I at least discuss your personal life?”, he bluntly replied NO.


I died a thousand times after that. Every day, I saw him I could hear the NO he had told me without thinking once!
After a few days of tremendous internal fights amongst my so many thoughts, I realized I needed a life of my own too. I enrolled myself for Yoga classes and Laughter sessions in the parks. Yoga classes gave me freshness and a healthy life while laughter sessions made me happy.


I realized talking to people and being around fun loving people made a lot of difference in our lives. I was having the best of my time. In a few months Ramesh got married to a South Indian girl. She was a sweet girl though very unlike what I had dreamt for Ramesh – a typical Marathi mulgi.


After they returned from their honeymoon, Ramesh broke the news of his transfer. He mentioned he and his wife would be shifting to Chennai the next month. He did not invite me even once to join them. I would have never had a problem to go to any city if I had my son along but also at the same time I did not want to be a burden on anyone. I could not sleep that night. Emotions were flying around in my mind. I was going to stay alone in this house without anyone to look at, without anyone to share my dinner with, without anyone to wish me good night when I go to sleep. I was going to be alone, all alone!

My husband was a man of great sense, he had left me this home and a decent amount of bank balance. Today I feel he knew somewhere what was going to happen in future.
After a month, they left. They left me alone in this house. My friends rendered unexpected support towards me. They kept motivating me to live a good life. I somehow also wanted to move towards the better. There was a reason why my husband had planned to make my life independent and I wanted to respect it.


A couple of my friends along with me have started a small play group in my home and we are doing great. We are enjoying a great deal. It is called “Babies With Oldies”.
We give the babies love, fun and good teachings. So what if Ramesh is not with me, I have 10 other babies who don’t mind if I not only interfere but also rule their lives.
Some of the young working women of our colony have started sending their kids to us because they feel no one except grand parents can give the best growth path to kids.
Its rightly said "It is never too late" I am so glad, I started a new life with these babies.


Which company does Ramesh work for?, I asked while seeing the album aunty was showing me.


Her answer startled me. I missed a heartbeat. Ramesh was the same guy who my team had hired for a very critical project of our own company. I now understand why the photo was so known to me.
Because he knew he was a very critical resource, he had fought for Chennai location even when the company’s first priority was Mumbai. He never shared the reason but he was desperate enough to work out of Chennai location and he was given the same considering the urgent project requirement.
The only thing I could not figure out was why Ramesh thought his mother would be a burden to him. She would not have troubled them at all. Instead she would have been of great help and a great support to the family.
When I saw granny, she was busy looking at the photos and smiling and the best thing was to not share this truth with her. She was over it now and was happy in the little world she made for herself.
She looked independent and at the same time very innocent. Sometimes it is just good to be ignorant than to know everything that will make our lives difficult.


She was a woman who proved the fact thtat if we wish to, we can!